Ratocalypse: The Inglourious Basterds of Lagos
Ratocalypse... bi-monthly suspense comic about the audacious rats of Lagos plotting an ultimate coup - a rat-ruled "Empire State of Rats."
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Before I tell you about the fancy, inglorious lifestyle of Lagos' rats, and their plan to take over the city, let's read the ‘Ratocalypse Sermon’ (disguised as candid conversation) delivered by Col. Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz) in Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds (2009). Col Landa, I believe, is a good friend of rats, hence his honourable speech in defense of the basterds.
COL HANS LANDA: Consider for a moment, the world a rat lives in. It's a hostile world indeed. If a rat were to scamper through your front door right now, would you greet it with hostility?
PERRIER: I suppose I would.
COL. HANS LANDA: Has a rat ever done anything to you to create this animosity you feel toward them?
PERRIER: Rats spread disease, they bite people…
COL. HANS LANDA:
Unless some fool is stupid enough to try and handle a live one, rats don't make it a practice of biting human beings. Rats were the cause of the Bubonic plague, but that was some time ago. In all your born days have a rat ever caused you to be sick a day in your life? I purpose to you, any disease a rat could spread, a squirrel could equally carry. Yet I assume you don't share the same animosity with squirrels that you do with rats, do you?
PERRIER: No.
COL. HANS LANDA: Yet, they are both rodents, are they not? And except for the fact that one has a big bushy tail, while the other has a long repugnant tail of rodent skin, they even rather look alike, don't they?
PERRIER: It is an interesting thought, beer Colonel.
COL. HANS LANDA: However, interesting as the thought may be, it makes not one bit of difference to how you feel. If a rat were to scamper through your door, this very minute, would you offer it a saucer of your delicious milk?
PERRIER: Probably not.
COL. HANS LANDA: I didn't think so. You don't like them. You don't really know why you don't like them. All you know is, you find them repulsive.
COL. HANS LANDA: What a tremendously hostile world that a rat must endure. Yet not only does he survive, he thrives. Because our little foe has an instinct for survival and preservation second to none.
* * * *
Aside from a (hurrying) crowd, maddening traffic jams, and loud-mouthed goons, another thing Lagos has in excess is… RATS. These Inglourious Basterds will soon take over the city if Lagosians keep running the endless rat-race or walking like zombies in need of blood, instead of being watchful.
If the movie Ratatouille is set in Lagos, the story would still be intriguing but disastrous. Instead of cooking sumptuous meals for the people, Remy, the protagonist of the movie, would poison the people and take over the city. Why? Read on to find out because these varmints have got it all figured out!
I heard through the grapevine that rats have formed a secret society, the Inglourious Basterds, and are plotting their takeover of our city (Eko edide). The rats of Lagos are tired of living in the sewers. They are tired of running. They want a better life, a life of luxury and power. And they are determined to take it. The rats are cunning and resourceful. They have one thing many Lagosians don't have: loyalty.
They know it would be easy because Lagosians are well-organized people sleepwalking in a race for money and fame. Because of their zombiesque rat race, Lagosians would be powerless to stop the Basterds, who will become the rulers of Lagos. If the Basterds' plan works perfectly, within a matter of months, they would have taken control of Lagos.
The Basterds' plan is simple but brilliant. They would start by infiltrating the Lagos government. They would then use their position of power to sow chaos and discord. Once Lagosians are weakened, the rats would strike. They would take over the city and establish their own rat empire: EMPIRE STATE OF RATS.
The Basterds have drawn a master plan for Lagos to make it rat-able to live a life of luxury. They also plan the finest food factory that will supply them with food and beverage for exporting, the best clothing industries, and the most luxurious accommodations. They even plan their own private army called JAGUN JAGUN ÉKÙ ÉKÓ (Warrior Rats of Lagos) who plan to make Lagosians their slaves.
The Basterds are also very spiritual. They understand that their warfare is not carnal but spiritual. So, they seek spiritual support from their most powerful and deadly rat: ÁGBÁ ÉKÙ, a rat with poison whiskers and deadly laughter. Ágbá Ékù doesn't smile or laugh because igboro o re rin (the streets don't laugh). And whenever he smiles or laughs, the streets will cry. Ágbá Ékù isn't just powerful, he is cunning and clairvoyant, he can read humans’ minds and smells poison from far distance. The Basterds go to him daily for guidance and protection.
Brace yourself, Lagosians, rats are coming for your hearts.